Dear Jackson:
I cheated on my husband - only once - but I'm disgusted I could do
that to the man I love.
I'm 26, he's 29 and we've been together eight years, married for two.
We are very happy, which is what makes it all the worse.
I went away for a team-building weekend with work. I found I was
pretty good at a lot of the tasks and the instructor singled me out
for praise.
At night we met up in the hotel and he made a bee-line for me.
He was good looking, charming and easy to chat to. I was bowled over,
tipsy, and fell for his patter.
When he suggested going up to my room I was putty in his hands.
My husband and I had been trying for a baby nearly three years and I'm
now seven months pregnant.
I know in my heart it isn't my husband's as the dates don't add up. He
doesn't realise, though.
When we found out, he was totally overjoyed and can't wait to become a father.
I know if I do tell him it will break his heart and destroy my marriage.
Do I keep quiet and learn to live with this secret for ever?
Devastated Deirdre
Deirdre: First off, you already know how bad what you did is, so I won't sit atop my moral high-horse and look down on you. That being said, I think you need to tell him. It's not fair to him to be tricked into giving his whole heart to a child he thinks is his own as a result of your mistake. If he chooses to work things out with you and decides to raise the child as his own with you then that's a totally different matter. But keeping this secret from him is like cheating on him forever.
That's MY 2 cents. What do you all think??? Leave your comments below -- you don't need to register. And listen for the responses on-air next Wednesday. Thanks!
8 comments:
If you keep it from him you are only going to hurt your unborn child in the long run. If you explain it to him and he leaves that is his decision but a relationship without trust is nothing and im sure he will be angry but if he truely loves you yall will be able to work it out!
You must tell him. Not telling him would be unfair to not only your husband but your baby. You have to keep your baby in mind with this decision.
Ok, yeah this is an unfair situation but, if it were me I would wait until the baby was born and do a paternity test. Probably without him knowing. There is no reason to spill the beans until you're absolutely certain the baby isn't his. If you find out it is his, I would never breath a word of it.
agreed with Kelly Niesen. If you lie to the man you love, then there's no getting around lying to your child also. And i'm sure that in 6 years of just being together before getting married you two have been thorough many tough times, and if you can make it through this as a couple, then nothing can stand in your way, nothing. Second, that guy that got you pregnant is a douche, sorry to bash the more-than-likely father, but why was he sleeping with a married woman? but the truth is hard, we've all been there before. Just tell him that you were unfaithful, that you love him and you didn't want to hurt him, that you wanted to do this right and be honest to him because that's what you vowed to do. And he'll be mad, but give it time, he will come around. and when the baby's born, sure do a paternity test. Or maybe he can accept that you were unfaithful, leave it at that, and rejoice in the new birth of his son. If my wife came to me with this, i think i'd be alright after i have a little rant. but i mean he's going to have a kid, that's great, but don't lie to him, he'll find out if you do, there's no doubt about it. now-or-later, there's no other option. And if you're religous, you can work that into it. but whatever route you take, i wish you the best of luck, and know that you'll make the right decision
-david
You should tell him now. Waiting till the baby is born will only hurt him more. It hurts you to so tell him that and then ask yourself what you would do if it was switched around. If your husband really loves you he will not leave you and he will help raise your child as if he was the father.
You have to tell your husband! Had you not gotten pregnant, I'd say don't tell and your punishment would be to live with the guilt on your shoulders.
The reason you have to tell is because you will be having an innocent child. You can not have your child live a life of lies because of your mistake.
Your husband may decide to leave you, as it is impossible to have a healthy relationship without trust. He won't trust you and with such a big indiscretion, he likely never will.
Unfortunately, you didn't just make the mistake of having sex with a total stranger, but you obviously didn't use protection. If you were that intoxicated that you couldn't insist on this, you should probably never drink again!
See you on the maury show!
If I were you, I'd first see a marriage counselor and talk it out with them to find out exactly how to go about telling your husband. It's a very tricky subject that must be handled delicately and yes he does deserve to know. If he fathered a child, would you want to know? And how would you react? When he reacts explain how you want to save your marriage and how you'd want to see a marriage counselor and suggest the one you've been seeing.
It won't be easy and it may end your marriage but if he's as great as you say, I think he'll be willing to listen and love again.
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